Post by Yurie Ishida on Jan 3, 2018 21:35:45 GMT -5
The second he placed his hand over her glass, she froze where she was. Without looking at him she inhaled deeply and, bowed her head, before exhaling slowly. Closing her eyes she nodded but still hadn't said a word. Yurie knew Akio was right. "I know." She whispered as she set the bottle on the table. Sniffling she brushed away the stray tear that was sliding down her cheek. She grimaced for a moment fighting the urge to sob, while pointedly looking away from Akio, having found it rather difficult to face him in that moment.
Finally, she pulled her knees up onto the couch she curled up tightly beside him. "It's not how I want to deal with it either." Reaching up she rubbed her forehead, struggling to find the words, to admit aloud what she had been thinking when she started drinking this night. "I just needed to numb the pain for a while, just a little while. I didn't ... want to feel it anymore." She admitted painfully.
She took a deep breath, "Logically, I know it was considered an acceptable risk. A possibility. Slim, but possible. I know. But I didn't know how it would feel. How I would feel to watch a multitude of people perish in an instant, and know it was me who was responsible. Because of me, millions will never go home again. Families ...Ripped apart. Billions of lives, if not more changed forever.” Yurie’s attempt to hold back the tears had failed as more spilled down her cheeks with ease.
She curled more tightly into a ball on the couch, trembling slightly. For a long, while she had grown silent, still struggling “I’ve been responsible for maybe…. Maybe seven deaths directly. It was all so clear in each case, enemies, threats to our Empire. It was simple. This? It's far from that. Women, children? The casualty reports haven’t stopped coming in. Three million within the capital at the very least. I made the weapon that did that. How does anyone live with that? How do I?”
She sniffled heavily, wiping away a few more tears on her sleeve. “I just .. I don’t know how to do this. It was my duty. I know that. It was the Emperor’s will, and it wasn’t wrong. It had to be done. I know. Thankfully we lost no one on our own side. For that, I am grateful, truly. But stars Akio, so many lives. So many lives, and that rests on my shoulders.” She whispered, still in a good deal of shock even now. The alcohol wasn’t exactly helping her mind to be the clearest, but she had evidently thought through this a lot in the hours between the last time they had seen each other.
“I don’t know how to do this.” She repeated before letting herself finally break down completely into a puddle of tears. At least Yurie had managed to keep it mostly together until this point, only letting herself truly break down in front of Akio, keeping it all behind closed doors.
Akio Kahoshi
Finally, she pulled her knees up onto the couch she curled up tightly beside him. "It's not how I want to deal with it either." Reaching up she rubbed her forehead, struggling to find the words, to admit aloud what she had been thinking when she started drinking this night. "I just needed to numb the pain for a while, just a little while. I didn't ... want to feel it anymore." She admitted painfully.
She took a deep breath, "Logically, I know it was considered an acceptable risk. A possibility. Slim, but possible. I know. But I didn't know how it would feel. How I would feel to watch a multitude of people perish in an instant, and know it was me who was responsible. Because of me, millions will never go home again. Families ...Ripped apart. Billions of lives, if not more changed forever.” Yurie’s attempt to hold back the tears had failed as more spilled down her cheeks with ease.
She curled more tightly into a ball on the couch, trembling slightly. For a long, while she had grown silent, still struggling “I’ve been responsible for maybe…. Maybe seven deaths directly. It was all so clear in each case, enemies, threats to our Empire. It was simple. This? It's far from that. Women, children? The casualty reports haven’t stopped coming in. Three million within the capital at the very least. I made the weapon that did that. How does anyone live with that? How do I?”
She sniffled heavily, wiping away a few more tears on her sleeve. “I just .. I don’t know how to do this. It was my duty. I know that. It was the Emperor’s will, and it wasn’t wrong. It had to be done. I know. Thankfully we lost no one on our own side. For that, I am grateful, truly. But stars Akio, so many lives. So many lives, and that rests on my shoulders.” She whispered, still in a good deal of shock even now. The alcohol wasn’t exactly helping her mind to be the clearest, but she had evidently thought through this a lot in the hours between the last time they had seen each other.
“I don’t know how to do this.” She repeated before letting herself finally break down completely into a puddle of tears. At least Yurie had managed to keep it mostly together until this point, only letting herself truly break down in front of Akio, keeping it all behind closed doors.
Akio Kahoshi